My Child Wants to Be Successful

Principle One: (from Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids)

My Child Wants to Be Successful

This principle is beautiful, yet seems to be a quiet impossibility in our society, where mistrust is the norm. Our whole society is set up to try and mediate the effects of mistrust in all of our systems; whether education, financial, the work place, government, and even in our own homes.

It is hard to place an unfailing trust in our children when our families and immediate communities our fractured. Villages do not raise a child because no villages exist in the US. All of this mistrust makes success very difficult for children.

Home is very different from school which is very different than the neighbors, etc. You nor I are connected in the day to day with even our self. How can our children feel the trust they need for success when they are simply a cog in the wheel of our busy lives? We do too much for them, by necessity. If we could be, if we could let them be and trust them, all of us would be better off.

In fact, if we could live with the mantra that:

People of Any Age Want to Be Successful

we would be much better off.

In my mind, this means creating stronger neighborhoods (read villages). Bringing the level of trust in our lives to a higher level is better for us, better for our neighbors, better for our coworkers, and better for our children.

Strong relationships built on trust will help us all be successful.

The Power of Paradigm

Earlier, I discussed the Character Ethic and What to Do When We Disagree with Others as outlined in the introduction of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Along with these ideas, Covey defines paradigms and what they mean in our lives.

He describes paradigms as maps, theories, or explanations that we use to view the world. He suggests that two kinds of maps exist:

1. Realities-maps of the way things are
2. Values- maps of the way things should be

Wrapped up in our paradigms is who we are. Covey tells us that "we see the world as we are". In fact, though we may talk about taking someone else's point of view, it is incredibly hard to do. This is what I outlined in my previous post.

In regard to paradigms, Covey insists that they are not separable from our character. He says,

Being is seeing in the human dimension. And what we see is highly interrelated to what we are. We can't go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being, and vice versa.

This changing our being is what many of us instinctively know we must do. How else can we explain the drive to make and keep New Year's Resolutions? We want happiness and know that involves seeing the world differently. And yet we makes goals to change ourselves to see the world differently. It truly seems to be a complimentary process as Covey describes.

As we change both our being and our seeing, then, we change our paradigms of realities and values.

Following posts will outline the habits Covey gives us to be stronger in our quest to change paradigms.

What to Do When We Disagree with Other People in Conversation

In Stephen Covey's introduction to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he stresses that one must cultivate a character ethic as a path towards primary greatness. He distinguishes primary greatness, or who we are, from secondary greatness, mere social recognition for our talents or what we say and do.

Covey outlines many different principles that we should act on in our life to live the character ethic:

• Fairness
• Integrity
• Honesty
• Human Dignity
• Service
• Quality
• Excellence
• Potential
• Growth
• Patience
• Nurturance
• Encouragement

Covey insists these principles are not practices or values. They are in fact something deeper that stems from the human condition and that all of our lasting solutions will come from the "inside-out".

The point I most reflected on was,

"When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them."

Taking this quote to heart is quite eye-opening. He is right. This is the tendency of me and most people I know. When we disagree with someone it becomes a discussion, but that discussion is usually a covert attempt to persuade the other person that we are correct and that he or she is incorrect. Sometimes the attempt is much more overt and the discussion turns into an argument, and no ever really wins and argument.

What would the world look like if we could actually disagree with others without feeling the need to convince them that we were correct?

I believe we would need to cultivate the principles Covey outlines, and that it would also mean we listen by entering into the other's point of view without questioning it. This can be hard to do, but I find myself doing it often with books. This is why I can say whatever book I am reading is the best book I've ever read. It is allowing me to change my thinking without an argument.

Books present a great chance to practice this skill of listening without judgment. I know I can be patient with a book, even when I disagree with the contents. Transferring this mind-set over to real life conversation is difficult, but doable. It is better to practice a skill in a more controlled environment than in the heat of the moment.

One way to participate in a conversation where you find yourself disagreeing with the person is to stop believing you must convince he or she of something, simply listen, and view it as a chance to learn something that you did not know before.

It can really make for a fascinating time to consider the world deeply from an other's point of view as you listen to he or she describe his or her paradigm. In a sense, you become connected to that person in a way that is not possible in regular conversation.

Take time to consider what the person told you away from the initial conversation. Enter as deeply as you can into their paradigm and consider what similarities exist for you. Consider what differences there are, but still keep in mind why these might make sense for the other person.

After this process it is much easier to converse respectfully with someone you disagree with.

Be a Better Person

My wife and I set three goals for the new year:

1. Be Better People
2. Be Better Parents
3. Grow More of Our Own Food
   

For myself, I have also made the goal to exercise more.

These goals seem at first quite vague, yet noble. One of our plans for follow through on these goals is to align them with different books that we will read throughout the year. I gave brief summaries for the three main books in my first post of the year. The books are: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids, and Practicing the Power of Now.

Another key I am using to achieve these goals is a journal, as in pen and paper. My process has been to read and take detailed notes about the book and journal about the chapter immediately afterward. This allows me to save all of my thoughts for later to blog online.

This method also keeps all of these books organized in my mind and on paper so that I can easily compare them as I go along. I am already amazed at how many parallels I see between these very different people and their great ideas.

So far, we have made some strides in each category. We have made a concerted effort to be better parents and problem solvers with our children. We have also been rather consistent with our reading. We installed a new garden bed along the edge of our fence to create more space for growing food. And I have also made my first exercise goal of working out every weekday morning for about 15 minutes.

I encourage you to find some good books for the year, write down your goals, and keep a journal of your efforts. May it bring success!

Books for Success in the New Year - 2009

My wife and I recently decided to read three of the same books during the new year and base some of our resolutions around them.

Generally, I will read 50-75 books throughout the year and browse many others. I have begun to think that reading is a sort of addiction for me and that has not been as enriching and fulfilling as it should be. Yet I find reading to be one of the best ways to enter into the "now".

This The Power of Now is one of the books we will be reading over the year. Actually, we will be reading Practicing the Power of Now. Eckhart Tolle writes about what we are usually missing in life because of our mind's incessant thinking. Instead of living in the now, we worry about the past or future.

If find this to be incredibly true. Our mind spends much of the day worrying about what we should be doing instead of enjoying what we are doing. I suspect there are many reasons for this habit of our mind, and I will explore these issues throughout the year.

On the subject of habits, we will be reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. I actually read this book a few years ago and found it very powerful. I even incorporated some of the ideas into my life, but want to do so in a much fuller way. I've read enough other books in the same vein to know that this really is one of the best.

One indicator of the work this book demands came to me at the end of the chapter about the first habit: practice this habit for 30 days. And that is what I will be doing until January 31st.

The last book my wife and I will be focusing on is Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids by Bonnie Harris. We have found this book to be incredibly insightful, though we are only a few chapters in. Bonnie Harris sets out 8 principles by which to parent. The first one is quite enlightening and powerful: Your child wants to be successful.

This simple principle has already changed my tone of parenting. Though I lose my patience often, I do have hope to greatly decrease these instances by gaining a consistent mindset about what my children need, and being constantly aware that they want to be successful. Don't people of any age just want to be successful?

I hope you new year is great and that you find your own books to explore to their fullest potential this year. Maybe one of the above will provide some inspiration!

Hack a Nerf Dart Gun- Shoot Faster and Longer Distances

I inadvertently learned how to hack my kids' NERF N-Strike Nite Finder Dart Guns this morning.

Of course, they had already broken most of their darts the first day they received the guns. My wife had tried to help them out by gluing back together the rubber suction cup part to the Nerf shaft part. But the glue ended up clogging the inside of the gun shaft where the air is forced out to shoot the dart.

After I put my younger son's gun back together, it suddenly shot darts out much faster and for a longer distance. I exclaimed to them, "I must have taken the safety out!" Of course, my older son said he wanted his safety taken out also.

I took his gun apart and figured out what had made the difference: one spring. This spring allowed a little forked piece to recoil back and create an airtight chamber after shooting, causing the gun's spring loaded shaft to slow down. Removing this spring allowed for a much faster and longer shot.
Here's what you do:

1. Take all the screws out of the gun. There are 14 on the side and one on the bottom where you can insert batteries. Note: A little piece at the top of the gun will probably pop out. You can insert it when you put the gun back together.
2. Remove one inside screw in the middle of the gun holding the orange shaft in place.
3. Pop the the right-hand side part of the orange shaft out part way.
4. Remove the right-hand part of the shaft, as shown in the picture on the right.
5. Open the shaft and remove "the spring", as pictured above.
6. Piece gun back together. Remember to replace the screw inside the gun that holds the orange shaft.
7. Be sure to insert the two yellow dart holders and the orange beveled gun tip before you screw the gun halves together. You may also have to hold the orange spring puller on the back of the gun in place. I found that the spring holding it in place wanted to pop out.
8. Please email me with any questions or make a comment.
9. Enjoy!

Get a nerf gun just like this:
--> NERF N-Strike Nite Finder Dart Guns

Keep the Cincinnati Neighborhood Gardens Program Funded in 2009 & 2010

Sign the Petition
Please Keep the Cincinnati Neighborhood Gardens Program Funded in 2009 & 2010

To:
Mayor Mark Mallory, Vice Mayor David Crowley, and the Cincinnati City Council:

We, concerned residents of Cincinnati and Hamilton County respectfully request that you fully fund the Cincinnati Neighborhood Gardens Program for $40,000 in 2009 and for $40,000 in 2010. Cutting this program to $0 does not seem an acceptable solution to budget constrictions.

The Neighborhood Gardens Program has 4 currently stated goals:

* Assist low- and moderate-income neighborhoods in developing vacant lots into gardens

* Supplement these residents' food budgets with fresh produce
* Clean up and maintain Cincinnati neighborhoods
* Provide access to educational recreational opportunities


Listed are examples of the current Neighborhood Gardens Program benefits:

* 42 Community Gardens
* Over 600 Gardeners
* Provides outreach to over 2000 community residents
* Donated 1524 Pounds of Food in 2007
* Recorded 7,384 Volunteers Hours in 2007


We believe these goals and achievements are an excellent argument for the programs continued funding.

Additionally, the City of Cincinnati's own "Climate Protection Action Plan" calls for the expansion of the current community garden program on pg. 180 under Recommendation #3. This underlies the importance of Vice Mayor Crowley's recent proposal (Item: 200801277 ) that city controlled vacant lots be offered at nominal costs to residents who will agree to farm or garden the land and maintain it free of blight or nuisance conditions.

Cincinnati's "Climate Protection Action Plan" also sites the American Community Gardening Association, saying," community gardening improves peoples' quality of life by providing a catalyst for neighborhood and community development, stimulating social interaction, encouraging self-reliance, beautifying neighborhoods, producing nutritious food, reducing family food budgets, conserving resources and creating opportunities for recreation, exercise, therapy and education."

The budget states that part of the reason for the programs financial cuts are the City's desire to fund the Cincycare Pilot Program, which will serve 2,000 residents of Cincinnati. While we recognize the importance of health care for all and believe this a great goal for the City, we also believe that this goal can be met without cutting the Neighborhood Garden program.

Solutions to consider:

* Most simply, the budget of the Cincycare pilot program could be cut to $460,000 per year in 2009 and 2010. This represents only 8% of the total budget of this pilot program, while the cut to the Neighborhood Gardens program is 100%.
* Currently, the City Manager's Budget Message of 2009/2010 states on pg. 39 that TOTAL ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT is $4,898,000 in 2009". Page pg. 14 states that the Economic Development budget will show increased revenue from $0 in 2008 to $46,510 in 2009. This money could make up the difference in funding the Neighborhood Gardens program, considering the loss to the Economic Development budget would only be 0.9% of the Economic Development budget.
* The Strategic Program for Urban Redevelopment (SPUR) budget went from $0 to $500,000 in 2009 and $500,000 in 2010. Some of this money could be utilized to fund community gardens?


The benefits of community gardens programs are many and they are finding support more and more within communities around the country. Directly and indirectly, local and nutritious food helps contribute to solving many problems our city, county, state, and nation faces, including: the health care crisis, energy independence, climate change, food security, and economic stability.

We encourage you to fully fund Cincinnati's Neighborhood Gardens Program in 2009 and 2010.

Thank you,

Concerned Citizens of Cincinnati and Hamilton County

Sign the Petition